Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
