This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
