he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
