he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
