So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize