I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
