At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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