Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
