just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
