I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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