Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
