I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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