i barfeds in our rink
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
