So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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