I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
