i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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