"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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