butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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