The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
