one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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