Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
