wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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