I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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