That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
