How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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