Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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