The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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