there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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