he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
