My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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