Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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