Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My first STD was from a foam party
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
