I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
