i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
