D3 body, D1 cock
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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