i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
