My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We're like a lot better than the average bears
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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