Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
40s are totally the cure
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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