I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
