okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
