it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
