Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
