i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
