Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
