but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
