I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
