we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize