3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
