Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
