i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
