I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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