so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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