the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize