I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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