I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
