I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
