You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
