Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
