I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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