They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize