is your mom at the bar?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
