omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
