so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize