how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
