a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
