just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
