she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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