vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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