she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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