Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
