You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
