If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
