New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
