C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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