If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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